WELL, let's see what's been up recently...
Work has been alright I guess...I do the same bullshit I've been doing for sometime now...I have been working on a special project which means a bit more money and a shitload more work...hopefully it also means that I will be able to move up in the company. Performance reviews are the first of the year so either they will help me a long or I'll be fucking leaving soon.
I have a few months left on my lease and I don't quite know what to do. I want to move into a bigger nicer place but I want to be making more money first...so I suppose I might try to extend my lease one or two months. I do like my place but it's too fucking small and I want a nice kitchen and some division of living spaces. So that's that...though I'll prolly stay in suck ass Lincoln Park because I like the Park and the Lake and being high up and seeing the city. Just not the fratties. But fuck them.
I bought a fuckoffhugeamp a few months ago. I've been spending my time outside of work and the quest for love annoying every neighbour in the building. This is more fun than you might imagine. I don't talk to anyone in my building so I think they probably imagine me to be a serial killer or some such nonsense, though the blasting basslines of the Jesus Lizard, Tomahawk, Tool, Rage and
In similar news I might be in a band soon. But we'll come back to that.
And then there is Love. HA! Well, how do we put this nicely? We don't. I've had a few people visit after my break up with Christy. These experiences have been good and alright and whatever but moreso they haven't been what I'm looking for. I suppose this is because of the place I'm at, though I'm not sure where that place is. Either way the combination of location, work, stress etc has made it less than ideal. So I tried something different and started seeing this girl. (this wasn't so much a choice made to force myself on someone as it was a situation where we both wanted to see how it'd work out...I think)
So yeah...we go out on a few dates (now mind you I have NEVER 'dated' anyone, in the sense that I don't know them and then we have to go out on a series of dates to try each other on, and the summations of these nights out never ends with sex but always ends in some makin out or some shit. Which was actually quite alright with me. It was nice to take it a bit slow and whatever. But it was nervewracking always trying to be on your best behaviour etc.
But on my best behaviour I was, for the most part, and good times were had. I started out very on edge about the whole dating thing so I didn't allow myself to get emotionally involved so much. I tried to just have a good time. Then a few weeks went by and she started calling more, which I commended her for because I LIKE when someone returns my fucking phonecalls. And so we come to a few monday's ago. She calls me (we had been out on the Sat and had a great time) and she says "I really want to see you" HOORAY, right?! well yeah. so we rock out and i start to get comfortable with her. So we go out to dinner and then to a bar and we're chatting about this and that very relaxed and such.
I suppose at some point we got talking about the 'future' and whatever. As some/most of you might know I don't really think I want kids when I get older. I realize this is a point where women will get all upset about and whatever but I'm just saying what I think NOW, things may or may not change in the later future. So we talked about this, she didn't want to settle down anytime soon either. So it was light and whatever. So then she asks me to call her that week even though she'll be busy, just in case she gets free early. So I do so and just was looking forward to seeing her at the weekend (she had a party she invited me to). So whatever, we can't meet up but she calls on thurs and asks if I'm coming to the party, seemingly excited about seeing me. (maybe I'm reading into the "I'm excited to see you again" too much, who knows?)
So Sat comes around I find out where the party will be and such, I show up. Luckily there are people there that I do know, and people that I don't but who are badass and nice and friendly (and then my boy ron showed up SAHWEET). The lady friend of mine. Do I get a word from her, other than 'hey' when I walked in? Does the pope shit in the woods? err...no, are bears catholic? No. They do neither of those. The bears like the woods and the pope shits on catholics. or something.
Anyways, so I don't get a fucking word from her. I go over to hang around her and some others and anything? NO?! she leaves soon after I join the conversation. So I just decide to forget about it, wait till later and ask her what's up. This leads to nothing because she's wasted (I stayed disgustingly sober for the party). So I leave. Do I get a call later with an explaination? No. (are we seeing a trend yet?) So I eventually get some e-mail stating that it's not going to work for some vague reasons. I call asking for an explaination. Leave a message and have been blanked.
What does this teach us children? it'd probably be to 'emo' to say fuck caring, but it's somewhere around there. I have been a total dick for long periods of my life, during these times I have ladies around me wanting to be with me and it makes me sick because I'm such an asshole. So then I am nice, I am caring, I am that guy that all women SAY they want and this happens. So fuck that.
Asshole Andrew has returned.
I think I'm about half as angry as I appear in this post, but whatever. I am more frustrated than anything else. I hate ambiguity and the only thing more than ambiguity is people who don't have respect enough for you to return a correspondance.
Anyways, so that's that.
The light at the end of the tunnel...her friend and I discussed bands all night at the silent party and we got along very well. Turns out he has a friend who's band is looking for a singer. I won't jump the gun yet but I will so I might be in a band soon. This is fucking awesome.
Other than that, my father came to visit and we had a great time rockin out if only for a day. I'm going back to DC for xmas then I'll rock out here for New Years. SWEET. Jonathan's birthday is then too (as is Basti's but he's in Germany and Jonathan is here). So we'll CERTAINLY have a good time. Then we'll see what the new year holds.
I guess it's a bit depressing to think that I will go back to being an asshole, but I suppose it's what works. Better them than me. But I guess I only have myself to blame, well no, I only have stupid ass women to blame. (that's NOT to say that all women are stupid, I'm talking specificially about the stupid ass ones.)
And with all this one sided venting I suppose the question of what entries to make private and which to keep public comes up. Then again, I've always stayed public so why change now? Anywho, I think that's just about everything.
To sum up:
Job is same old bullshit and will be changed somehow soon
Apt. should be changed soon
Asshole Andrew has returned
Xmas in MD
NY in Chi
Rocking to commense soon